just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
