He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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