btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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