Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
