theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize