I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
