Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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