K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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