mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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