$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
