the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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