In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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