The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
