gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
