I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
