I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
