I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
