Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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