You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize