sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
