It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
