I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
