if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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