Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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