therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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