i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
