Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize