I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
When are your genitals available?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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