I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
