Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
