Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
