every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
