Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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