the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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