Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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