How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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