Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
