i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
