Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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