its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize