I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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