The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
