Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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