im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
