Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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