i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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