I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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