We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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