Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
