Porn is love you can see.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
