She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
