FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
