You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
