I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I met the friendliest cop last night
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
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