Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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