cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
