we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
