you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
