Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sorry my hands just texted you
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
