I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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