Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
