there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
