apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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