So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
