i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
