sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
